"In order to be eligible to play it was necessary for him to keep up his studies, a very difficult MATTER, for while he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter."
James Thurber
A James Thuber cartoon that I adapted titled
Did Eating Eden Even MATTER
What is the MATTER? This is about the pain. I tried to attack it drunken and sodden completely vulnerable as disorderly. I am made of salty tears so it easier for me to get at. Pain hasn't been properly tapped into because if it had people would be giving more compassion. Before I start I just want to show the original post the drunk one is floating on a widget in the ether of the internet and that there are two versions of this previous blog entry.
The original link that absorbed my document.
Here how the link for the document as it is now both work... my originally fully published document is lost in the web.
It is a matter of perception how any view the unknown. My intentions are written out as clear as I am able. That document discussed the pain of having family members. And there was a very important variable that a child is an under developed mine. The child is never not developed because cognition that is able can has the ability to respond functioning. We all come born with all the information we need to survive. The problem is development really being able to dream. That is the mine Dr. Martin L. King Jr.'s speech portrays.
I don't expect anyone to think or agree with me. I just try to make whatever it is as simple as possible so that any miscommunication is minimized as much as possible. Now I was writing about being a composite of tears. I am formed from two people who had zero desire to spend their lives together forever. My parents were in love with other people and having sex to console each other over their similar losses. It was the sixties and the summer of love happened. People wanted change.
Anyways this pain people need to know this sits in the throat. It clinches the wind pipe so hard it forces my teeth to tighten. And then a river of flooding heavy tears fall. My eyes burn blurry. There is a cord to my heart it aches like someone has grasped pulling a vein. I am very part Italian and my large nostrils that side my nose drip regularly. The crying is random during COVID-19 lock down. Some mornings I wake up crying. Sometimes I go to sleep fully crying. The truth and this is the part that people cannot really believe but it is so true: if I breathe inhale too deeply it triggers. I am forced to blow slowly out my mouth and accept my face is washed in my agony.
Again this happens without reasoning. I can be sitting trying to enjoy myself and it over comes me. It has it's own life fully developed using my back. It is smarter than me. I have what I call a Tesla birthday so I have an edge differently understanding myself astrologically. I care and I believe the only variable that hasn't been really honed and developed is actual real caring. We have no idea what would happen because it has never been invigorated since the building of the pyramid.
DEATH Fact that LOOMS
I only know my mother's side of my family. My Great Grandmother was murdered in 1936. The murder was openly known about and not acknowledged or punished because a handicap World War veteran killed a mixed African and Native woman. My Grandmother who has been deceased for many years was only sixteen years old. She was left to mother her (and successfully raised) her infant nieces that her mother had custody of because her older sister was incapable. Both my mom and my uncle handled this energy working government careers. My uncle is a retired officer from the Navy and my mother is retired civilian servant from personnel for the Federal Government.
I chose very specifically to home school my youngest son who grew up in Berkeley. I made this different step in education because I felt that him having a unique self perspective was more than important than being educated with the stigma of being an inadequate black male. Unfortunately people tease those who hold non typical opportunities and are different. America The United States that is a competition based society. At age 18 a same aged male that was my son's childhood closet friend was murdered. He was invited to a party in East Oakland that was a set up with the intentions to kill him. It is a regular occurrence called jealousy. The weak take out anyone who may be rising too fast feeling strong.
The sad variable that I have to confront is that my older son had to deal with death at the same age as well. What I am trying to write out is that a pattern emerged where both my sons had to confront death at eighteen in a society that promotes killing them first. Both have a rage and a hurt that they both hide and cover up. They are different people and handle their lives differently. Again what I am trying very hard to convey is that it is normal for black males to be weighted with the MATTER of Death. There is no support and the fact they are the top targets being murdered is a very clear indication that humanity is running a very direct extinction targeting them.
Personally, I don't need to see historical black faces on any money I spend. I need lots of money to support my mental capacity that has been compromised by racism and an entire life suffering belittlement. I need to be able to breathe without my eyes turning into molten salt faucets. No person can imagine the deep cringing pain that sits to have another defuse being having been referred to as using racism or embodying a racist as a mixed person of color. It is the softest way to try to attack someone who is repressed. What hurts so deeply about this type of factor is there is no protection for the poor. That is how the rich intimidate those who have nothing. Wealth has the resources to make acts insuring the marginalized stay silenced as quiet. There is a lot more to say about this pain. This however is the best I can get at it describing and detailing it for now.
Three images from George Withers Emblem Book 1635
I would love people to grasp that all words have different more than one meaning. Homophones are words that sound like other words like meat and meet. We have only all agreed upon the spelling of words deemed by validated publishers like Webster to structure meanings. These three images present words that show different spellings and hold variables that have lost complete and total meaning. Examine the images try hard to decipher something and ponder the possible meanings pretty please.
Left Eye Death is no LoSSe, but rather, Gaine; For wee by Dying, Life attaine.
Center Eye Hee, overall the Starres doth raigne, That unto WiSdome can attaine.
Right Eye By Labour, Vertue may be gain'd; by Vertue, Glorie is attain'd.
"Lastly, the ashes left behind,
May daily show to move the mind,
That to ashes and dust we will return we must:
Then think, and drink tobacco."
George Withers
Comments